One Summer Night Page 9

  The thought of it scared her, but she couldn’t help but acknowledge that Tim still held some magical power over her. She breathed in deeply, taking in his scent. No, not magic, she corrected herself. Love. Moonlight caressed his outline in the dark, and Lauren wiped a strand of hair from his cheek so she could get a better look. The corners of his mouth twitched under her touch and, smiling, she moved a little closer still.

  He stirred, just as she was closing her eyes to relish in his presence.

  ‘Lauren, what are you doing?’ he asked, his voice husky from drowsiness. Sleepily, he caressed her baby belly.

  ‘What? I . . .’

  ‘You’re awake, you’re watching me, and you keep coming closer.’

  ‘I thought you were sleeping!’ Lauren scrambled to explain herself and wanted to back away, but his hand stopped her.

  ‘So you were trying to sneak up on me, were you?’ he teased, smiling confidently.

  ‘I was not! I . . .’

  He leaned over her and closed her lips with a kiss. It wasn’t a wildly passionate kiss, but it changed everything. Lauren sighed and snuggled up to him. She opened up, and when their tongues touched it was as if they had finally forgiven each other for being such fools.

  ‘This is what happens when you sneak up on me, Lauren. I’m a man, don’t forget,’ he muttered against her lips and gently kissed her before finally releasing her.

  Lauren tried to calm down her galloping heart before it could trip and crash, but it was impossible when Tim was this close.

  She grinned and nestled into his arms.

  ‘What if I never forget?’

  * * *

  Lauren looked into Tim’s eyes. She could still get lost in the extraordinary blue – even after all these years. Her heart was beating as it did that day way back when, and in this moment she noticed neither the bonfire nor her friends. There was only her longing for something that was going to end very soon.

  ‘Tim, I will never forget that kiss,’ she whispered, burying her face in his chest.

  ‘Lauren, I . . .’

  ‘Don’t say anything. Just believe me. Your kiss will carry me wherever I go.’

  He placed his hand in the nape of her neck, kissing the top of her head and feeling her tears wet against his T-shirt. Tears she had banned from this night. His heart grew heavy, and the night seemed cold and unfeeling. He wanted to lift Lauren up and run away with her. Just run away. Somewhere where time didn’t exist.

  ‘You kissed?’ Rachel spoke up, sounding surprised. Tim knew why Rachel was asking the question. She was coming to her friend’s rescue.

  ‘Back in the day you told me that there was nothing going on between you,’ she remembered out loud, staring at Tim and restoring his strength. Did she suspect that his path would be just as hard as Lauren’s?

  ‘When did I ever say that, Rachel?’ Lauren asked in a tearful voice.

  As she looked around, she could tell that everyone was eager to find out more.

  It Is Time

  ‘All right, I called Tim,’ Rachel explained, hurrying down the stairs with Lauren’s hospital bag under her arm. For the first time since Lauren had known her, Rachel seemed completely beside herself. There was nothing left of Rachel’s usual self-assured elegance. If the contractions hadn’t been coming at such rapid intervals, Lauren might almost have laughed.

  ‘Is he on his way?’ she asked instead, holding onto the table as the next contraction hit.

  ‘I told him that we’re leaving right now. He’s coming straight to the hospital.’

  ‘All right. Let’s go then, before I’m pushing out a baby on your passenger seat!’

  Lauren waddled over to the door, wiping the sweat from the back of her neck. The day was too hot to be having a baby.

  Rachel held the door for her, while rummaging through Lauren’s purse for the car keys. ‘Oh, no! Certainly not! We’re taking your car!’

  Lauren laughed and instantaneously winced in pain. ‘As you wish, but I don’t want Mia to pop out in my car either, so stop messing around and take me to the hospital already.’

  The hospital was only a short drive away, but to Lauren it seemed as if she were traveling half-way around the world. The heat was piling up in the car, every single traffic light was red and they were stuck in the evening rush hour.

  With every bump in the road, Lauren braced herself in her seat, trying to breathe normally, while Rachel frantically steered the car through heavy traffic, trying to avoid as many traffic lights as possible.

  ‘I never thought that Tim and you would manage to get your act together. Are you glad he wants to be there during delivery?’ Rachel said, trying to take her and Lauren’s mind off things. She was clutching the steering wheel so tight that her knuckles showed. A bead of sweat trickled down her temple.

  ‘I am. We’re getting along just fine right now, even though I don’t really know what we’re doing.’

  ‘How do you mean?’

  Rachel honked the horn at the driver in front of her, who had slept through the lights turning green.

  ‘Our relationship, I mean. I don’t know what to call what we have.’

  Rachel gave her a curious sideways glance.

  ‘I thought you were together. He’s been spending so much time with you.’

  Lauren shrugged her shoulders and moaned out loud when they hit a large pothole, jarring the base of her pelvis hard.

  ‘No, we’re not really together. He . . . he wants to support me and . . . and I think that is it.’

  ‘But he had himself transferred back here, from New York. I thought . . . Rachel pondered. ‘Listen, Lauren, are you sleeping with him?’

  Lauren yanked her head around and stared at her friend.

  ‘What? You want to know if . . . ?’

  Rachel nodded.

  ‘Yes. You say you don’t know what to call what you have? Well, it’s simple: If he climbs into bed with you even though you’re pregnant, then . . . well then, clearly you’re together.’

  Lauren pressed her lips together tightly and looked out the window.

  She couldn’t exactly tell Rachel that Tim had made love to her only a few days ago. But that had been an exception – a one-off thing! Rachel wouldn’t understand that she had virtually begged him on her knees to sleep with her. It was hard putting everything into words that was happening inside the body of a pregnant woman, and so she preferred to keep it to herself. Besides, neither Tim nor she had even talked about it. She seduced him because her pregnant body had longed for sex and tenderness.

  A particularly heavy contraction drove tears into her eyes. To take her mind off the pain, she let her thoughts return to that incredibly tender night in Tim’s arms.

  ‘So? Are you guys having sex?’ Rachel inquired, turning into the hospital’s driveway.

  ‘Jesus, Rachel! I easily have at least twenty-five pounds too much on my hips. Nobody thinks that’s sexy! And besides, there’s nothing – nothing going on between us.’

  Nothing, at least, that Lauren wanted to discuss with her friend right now.

  ‘Forget about the extra weight! You’re pregnant – and if Tim doesn’t get that, then he’s a superficial asshole.’

  Lauren shook her head and clenched her teeth as the next contraction hit. She should have taken Tim’s side, defended him, but she didn’t have the energy right now.

  Fortunately, Rachel dropped the topic as soon as they entered the clinic and took care of registering her instead. After that, everything happened very quickly. The nurses were an experienced team, and before Lauren could so much as blink they had undressed her, put her into a hospital gown, and attached her to a contraction monitor.

  When Tim entered the room, her water broke.

  A good many hours later and Lauren was fighting to keep her eyes open. She was watching Tim as he held Mia in his arms, quietly babbling to her and showering the blonde fuzz on her head with kisses.

  ‘Why d
on’t you try to get some rest,’ he whispered in her direction. ‘I’ll stay here until the nurses throw me out.’

  ‘I’m seriously wiped out, but I can’t sleep. I don’t want to miss a single second of her life.’

  Tim laughed and sat down on the bed. Lauren reached for Mia’s tiny hands.

  ‘You won’t miss a thing! She’s fast asleep herself.’

  The baby’s tiny mouth stood open, and in her sleep she breathed deeply and regularly.

  Her eyelids were so thin that they seemed almost translucent, just like the wrinkly skin on her minuscule fingers.

  Lauren smiled at Tim. She was infinitely grateful that he was here. Quickly she wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes, which had started to gather from all the happiness.

  ‘What’s wrong? Are you in pain?’ Tim asked, already reaching for the bell to call the duty nurse.

  ‘No – I mean, not really. It’s just that . . . I’m so glad you’re here, Tim.’

  He smiled softly and took Lauren’s hand.

  ‘If you want, Lauren . . . I will stay a little while.’

  ‘A little while?’ she asked in disbelief.

  ‘Or a long while – whatever works for us. Don’t you remember how our plan was not to have a plan? But this right here . . .’ He kissed Mia and rubbed her belly. She stretched out her tiny feet, and a soft snore evaporated from her mouth. ‘This here changes everything, doesn’t it?’

  She nodded, getting lost in the image of Tim and her daughter together. Yes, this changed everything.

  ‘This is maybe a bit much to ask, I know, but . . .’

  She hesitated as she was searching for the right words.

  ‘But what?’

  ‘What I’m trying to say is that it doesn’t matter how things are between the two of us, Tim, but I . . . no, we – Mia and I – we want exclusivity.’

  Tim’s eyebrows shot up.

  ‘Exclusivity?’

  ‘Yes. I don’t want any drama in this relationship, and I don’t want women to come and go in Mia’s life. If you want to give this thing a shot, then . . . then . . .’

  Tim handed Lauren the baby and got up. He seemed hurt, but Lauren only wanted to be clear that Mia needed a stable environment.

  ‘What do you think of me? I want to spend my days and my nights with you if only you’d let me – and you’re thinking I’m going to have a different woman over every night?’

  Mia whimpered as Tim’s voice was getting louder.

  Lauren ran her fingers over the soft fuzz on her head, gently cradling her to make her fall asleep again.

  In furious anger, Tim marched over to the door and put his hand on the handle.

  ‘You really have a knack for always saying the wrong thing!’

  He hurried down the hall with long strides. The smell of disinfectant and the soft murmur of people along the hospital corridors followed him all the way to the cafeteria. When he arrived, he ran his fingers through his hair, and pulled the tie that had been hanging from his neck for hours from his collar. He dropped it in the trash, went to get a coffee and sat down at an empty table. It was getting very late, and visiting hours were long over. He was surprised that nobody had reminded him, but as long as nobody did he would stick around.

  And goddammit, he would stick with Lauren, too, even if she only ever thought the worst of him. He rubbed his chin, feeling the stubble pleasantly scratchy against his palm. He could still smell Mia on his hands, and smiled. She was such a perfect miracle and, with her very first cry, had already stolen his heart; almost as fast as her mother had. Admitting as much to himself was hard, even without Lauren throwing poison darts at him.

  But if Lauren was allowed to make demands, then so was he. What he had in mind wasn’t exactly a plan – because plans never pan out – but at least it was an idea.

  One coffee later, and Tim snuck back into Lauren’s hospital room. She was just nursing the baby, and he felt like an intruder when he sat down beside her. She and Mia were a sight to behold. His daughter! The thought of it seemed as strange to him as it was accepting Lauren as a person of importance in his life.

  ‘Lauren, I give you my word that I won’t have any women over. But if this, whatever this is, is going to work, then I need us to take it seriously. I want to move in with you and Mia.’

  Two days later, Lauren was allowed to leave the hospital with Mia, and Tim came to pick them up.

  ‘So you were actually being serious,’ Lauren noted when she spotted the empty moving boxes sitting on the lake house porch.

  ‘Yeah.’ He helped her out of the car and grabbed the baby carrier from the backseat. ‘We’re a real family now!’ The touch of irony in his voice was unmistakable, and Lauren had her doubts about the arrangement working out. The lake house wasn’t exactly big, and they would probably start getting into each other’s hair before dinner. Still, she preferred to keep those doubts to herself.

  ‘I moved things around a little,’ he explained, motioning toward the stairs. ‘I hope you don’t mind.’

  Intrigued, Lauren made her way upstairs, her body still complaining a little with every step she took.

  Tim had pushed Lauren’s bed closer to the window, and had placed a divider screen right under the skylight. On the other side of the divider she noticed a sofa-bed covered in bed linens that she recognized from Tim’s apartment. And over where the two separate sleeping areas met, stood the crib with a pale-yellow, teddy bear-covered canopy and a princess music box.

  ‘Do you like it?’

  Lauren nodded, and the thoughts in her head were running wild. She didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. Was it considerate of Tim to get his own bed, or was it insulting that, while he wanted to be close to them, he obviously didn’t want to be with her?

  ‘Yes, it’s . . . it’s fine.’

  She stepped over to the crib and fluffed up the sleeping bag so that Tim could put Mia down.

  ‘I didn’t know how . . . how welcome I was, and so . . .’

  Tim shrugged his shoulders, motioning toward the separate beds.

  ‘It’s good – I like it the way it is.’

  ‘Good.’ He nodded and looked at his watch. ‘Will you be all right, Lauren? I have to go back to the firm for a minute to grab some files for a hearing tomorrow.’

  A brief wave of panic washed over her, but Lauren pushed it down and nodded. She’d be all right being alone with Mia for a while. Might be nice to get some peace and quiet.

  ‘Sure. You go ahead. I’m going to lie down for a bit.’

  Lauren woke up when she heard footsteps coming up the stairs. It was almost midnight, and she knew that Mia would be hungry again within the hour. The sheer thought of it made her head pound. Her afternoon alone with the baby had been a nightmare. At first, Mia had slept like an angel, but then, for no apparent reason, she’d cried for three hours straight. Lauren had nursed her, but that only calmed her down for a short while. She had carried Mia through the house, checking her diapers over and over again and massaging her belly. Nothing helped; her daughter kept on screaming and crying. It was only when Lauren herself had almost burst into tears that Mia finally stopped and fell asleep. Exhausted, Lauren had dragged herself to bed, and she still felt completely drained.

  Tim disappeared behind the divider, and she could hear him getting undressed. His shadow danced in the muted light of the bedside lamp as he tiptoed into the bathroom. Lauren closed her eyes and tried to fall back asleep, but it wouldn’t work. A little while later Tim returned, turned off the light, and slipped in under his covers.

  Suddenly, an intense sadness washed over Lauren, and she ached for him. She wanted to have his arms holding her tight – to return some of the strength this day had stripped away. But she was alone in her bed, with her breasts leaking milk and her head so painful it was as if it was going to explode. She massaged her temples and turned over. The bed that had always been so comfortable now seemed cold and hard.<
br />
  When at long last she fell asleep, Mia started whimpering again.

  * * *

  Lauren got up from the bench, turning her back to the bonfire. She took a few steps deeper into the darkness. The sand on the shore was soft beneath the soles of her shoes and, breathing deeply, she took in the scent of this lake that she loved so much. Life hadn’t always been easy here, by the lake, in her lake house. Still, she wouldn’t want to have missed a single day. Not even the hard times, because they only proved how lucky she’d been the rest of the time.

  She recognized Rachel by the familiar sound of her footsteps.

  ‘Are you all right?’ Rachel asked, and her velvety voice was like a warm embrace. Slowly, she approached and joined Lauren by the beach. They both looked out over the lake. At night, the water would glitter in the moonlight, all silvery and magic, like a crystal ball. It was as if Lauren could read her future in the soft ripples of its surface.

  ‘I’d lost all connection to you guys,’ Lauren said, without responding to Lauren’s question. Her memories of that time were so vivid that she could all but grasp the deep sorrow she had felt back then. ‘I felt so alone, even though all of you were always there for me. Even now, that . . .’

  She could not finish her sentence. Could not say out loud what was to come.

  ‘Oh, sweetie! Stop it! Of course we’re here for you! You’re not alone. Not ever. I promise!’

  Rachel hugged her, and Lauren knew that the calamities of the past mattered no more. They continued strolling alongside the shore without the need for words. One look into each other’s eyes was all it took to communicate that which remained unsaid.

  ‘We should go back. I’m a little dizzy,’ Lauren finally said, wrapping her arms around her shivering body. She had felt much warmer with Alyssa snuggled up under the blanket with her.

  ‘What did you two get up to?’ Chris asked when the two women returned to the fire.

  ‘Get up to?’ Lauren repeated, giggling, because with Chris everything sounded a little suggestive. ‘We didn’t get up to anything. I’ve been reminiscing about my first few months with Mia,’ Lauren explained, sitting down next to her thirteen-year-old daughter.